Letters to Kendall
A Thing Isn’t Beautiful Because It Lasts
It’s been a while since our last conversation and even more since it was something deep. Since we sat on the patio and just talked until the sun came up ‘cause “who needs sleep?” Not a day goes by where I don’t miss you, where I’m not haunted by the memories of every time that I wanted to kiss you, but I could never seem to take the leap. At night I lie awake and replay every mistake I’ve made and wonder what it was that came between our love. You said that you could picture us together, you always thought that we would get married. I never told you how I felt about that: you were the only future I could see. All the things I wish that I could tell you, all the things that I keep to myself, I write them down inside of an old notebook and keep them hidden on the bottom shelf. At night I lie awake and replay every mistake I’ve made and wonder what it was that came between our love; and when I hear your name, it fills me with a sense of shame because you’re never coming back and I just can’t let go.
You Were Like Coming Up For Fresh Air
Do you remember the summer we spent on my couch watching movies and wondering what life was all about? I swear we paid the bills of that Huddle House drinking coffee and talking ‘til they’d kick us out. Or the time we thought we were going to freeze, dripping wet in the cinema seats? Despite getting caught in the pouring rain, that was probably my favorite day. It’s getting harder to breathe, even what’s left in my lungs wants to leave. You were like coming up for air, now I’m choking and you couldn’t care. Do you remember my hair back when we first met? Down to my shoulders, it’s like that again. You could probably pass me by on the street and not even know you had walked by me. It’s getting harder to breathe. Even what’s left in my lungs wants to leave. You were like coming up for air, now I’m choking and you couldn’t care.
My Heart Won’t Go On
The years go by but the wounds remain. My heart sinks when I hear your name. I do what I can to numb the pain, but I don’t think I’ll be the same because you were the other half of me, and we really made such a good team. How can I act like I’m okay when I haven’t been the same since that day? All my favorite songs they were about you, and every film was starring you and me. Now I have to live my life without you, and pretend that it doesn’t bother me. Don’t get me wrong I love her. I wouldn’t put anyone above her. But I guess there was just a part of me that thought that we were meant to be and I never got the chance to say goodbye. You don’t even know how much I cried. I’ve never fully healed on the inside. All of this over a fucking fight. All my favorite songs they were about you, and every film was starring you and me. Now I have to live my life without you, and pretend that it doesn’t bother me. It was you, it was you, it was always you. You’re the one that my heart belongs to. And it kills my soul what I have to do, but I try and I try to forget you too. We’ll never know, if what we had it could have grown. The hardest part about it, though: you’ll never know that all my favorite songs they were about you.
I Miss You So Much It Hurts Sometimes
Even thought we don’t speak you’re always on my mind, I see you in my dreams. A never ending loop of memories like and old scratched record that’s stuck on repeat. And sometimes when I’m feeling weak, I’ll send you a message and get left on “seen.” It may be foolish but I like to think every now and then you think of me. I miss you by my side. I miss you all the time. Our paths go separate ways and we liver our different lives, but there will always be the days when I miss you by my side. I’ve tried to give you space and keep you out of mind, but at night I see your face and I miss you all the time. And even though we don’t speak, I’m holding on to the delusional belief that one day we’re going to meet over a cup of coffee or a couple of drinks. And when you actually see me you’ll find comfort in familiarity. Hours pass, we never think to leave, for the first time in years I would feel complete. I miss you by my side. I miss you all the time. Our paths go separate ways and we live our different lives, but there will always be the days when I miss you by my side. I’ve tried to give you space and keep you out of mind, but at night I see your face and I miss you all the time. I will never get to tell you “I miss you and I hope you’re doing well.” And you will never get to see how much I’ve grown and the man I’ve come to be. I miss you by my side. I miss you all the time. Our paths go separate ways and we liver our different lives, but there will always be the days when I miss you by my side. I’ve tried to give you space and keep you out of mind, but at night I see your face and I miss you all the time.
Sayonara, Sammy, Sayonara
My oldest friend, where have you gone? I’ve searched everywhere I know, but I still can’t hear your song. I know paths go separate ways and people drift apart, but you said you would be the one to bear the “burden of my heart.” My oldest friend, it’s been to long since we went for a late night drive and screamed our favorite songs. Can you believe that it’s been years since we maxed out the stereo and belted out “Three Cheers?” What happened to “the end of the line” and “no one gets left behind,” “I don’t have friends I got family?” Have some faith in me. I try to remember the last time we were together and wonder what would I do differently had I known that it would be the end. Goodbye, my oldest friend.